Thursday, January 8, 2009

this strange new feeling

the empty space where substances used to reside
weighing more in their absence than when present at the meeting
this aura of possibility adds so much
now, with volume filled
overflow being gathered and anticipated, i worry of floods
overcosumption can not be tolerated, can not be allowed
patience will be practiced, timing will be enforced
can not let myself drain this new reserve, must show restraint
collect a stockpile and build depots for which to return to as needed

supply has potential to double previous possibilites
but demand must remain low
events in the past have shown this to be an uneasy process, this gathering
resistence to this forced structure, wanting to jump to the front of the line
I am the prisoner of my situation, yet I was elected and hold Marshall law
the rope is pulled tight, wound around my torso, knotted to the form
your form, your substance, you
must relearn how to wait, must train myself anew
must try harder than ever before
so many possibilities to ruin this situation
perfect balance must be found
weigh out negatives, prepare for their arrival
hide my stash after taking one last hit
your chemical is difficult to inject at first, but waves of faimiliarity arise after

a junkie for connection
this addiction worsens with every hour
i will practice medicinal treatments and hope for the best
with this dangerous element, your element.
i will break the previous mold
breathe and intake, allow the slowed warmth
enjoy this moment, scratch at the feeling, twinge with relief
with initial happiness comes waves of fear for when the come down begins
prepare, pray, plan an escape
this is why I said no to begin with, this is why I passed it along a long time ago
the fix is so damn good, but the addiction is to much to bare.
to rid myself of intial shock, i will cause the infection personally everytime
inject the poison before the handler can.
resist tolerance

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