Monday, March 30, 2009

Been a while

i will be graduating in august.
i know not what i means to be free of school.
i have been in school almost my entire life. without a schedule of that rigor how will i pass the days. my parents are considering moving somewhere else.
i look to that as an option, maybe follow suit. maybe leave this place and start over without all the pre conceived others have of me and i of them.
what good is a self conscience when that is made up by other people.

from june 2 to 22 i will be in south america.
there i will climb mountains, canoe down rivers, swim with sharks, explore jungles, shop in markets and photograph it all.
i will release a call of barbaric joy into the sky once 13,000 feet have passed below my feet, giving me view of those previous to my southern neighbors.
the existence they had, the lives they lead, the walls they built, will only be shown simply or made up in my head.
how does their past interact with my own?
how does my want for something new react with this view i will have of a civilization gone?
it is at this moment that i feel i will desire to toss all i posess, all that i have earned, all that i claim as important over the cliff and dwell amongst the ancient cities and never return to the soil of familiar.
who can imagine how i will feel when looking down upon this place of worshiped gods, woven cloth, raised families, ravinous disease, vegetation overgrowth, centruries of death, milleniums of life, not unlike my own home.
but the difference is that the place of where few have seen their traces, deep breathing ghosts know not of me nor i of them.
here is where i fear i will feel most at home.
there with no one.


  1. sigh. i'm so glad you get to go on the south america trip my love.

    you'll know how to feel and what to do when you get there. :)

    "what good is a self conscience when that is made up by other people."

    i. hear. you.

  2. i've stumbled upon your blog several times in the last week or two, in various random searches... and i just have to say, having been intrigued by the "dirty pretty art kid" heading, i've read some of your musings. you seem a brilliant, bored, talented, seeker. in fact, you remind me of myself not too long ago... my advice is, spread your wings, move away from all you know, toss convention over the cliff, and make art like mad!! ((it's working for me, so far..)) and besides, the world needs a hell of a lot more madness and art.

    ~aloria weaver