dirty pretty art kid

Summer in Space 2009 18th Street Fashion Show

2010-04-21T21:06:00.001-05:00

Last years 18th Street Fashion Show was themed Summer in Space. As always do for every runway show for this event, I designed a jewelry collection for my friend Jovana Mirable. She and work cohesively with little communication really, as she lives in New York City, attending Parsons New School of Design. I was in South America when the actual event took place, so it was really hard to leave my collection in Kansas City and hope for the best. I had never even seen Jovana's pieces until the day before I left the States. Again, as in every year, I was greatly relieved to see that our artistic connection was still as in tune as ever. Below is the photos taken by the official photographers of the show and were featured on the Kansas City Star Ink Magazine. Up close shots of the pieces I still have are on the way. For now enjoy these and see the full idea come to life.

I left my heart in Peru...

2010-04-19T03:11:00.002-05:00

Newest addition to the South American adventure. Many fine photos of the one of the most beautiful places I have ever been to: Peru. Words do not do justice for this place. Its almost difficult to remember all the beautiful moments I spent there. It is with great hesitation that I only write these few sentences and leave you with these few pictures. Eh, such is the writers block I guess.

Masks to represent the fool, someone who partakes in too much indulgence. Many of my classmates who went on the trip with me bought these. All different colors and all wonderfully cute. I took one home as a souvenir for my friends four year old son. He thought it was totally awesome.

Piso Sour. Fermented corn alcohol, with a very high content, with foamed egg whites on top. Hard to get down, curses you with light headedness that is only increased by the altitude.

View of the planes wing as we left the states.

My traveling group, waiting in the Miami Airport to board our first of many international flights.

View from the balcony of the room I shared with another female student at the first hotel we stayed at on the trip in Cuzco Peru. Gorgeous and humbling. We were staying in the mattress dristrict, where usually only bed ensembles and furniture were sold, surrounded by even more oddly specific vendor districts.

City marketplace view showing the wide streets and modern conviences mixed within.

Extremely fast paced traffic could catch you off guard in this city that never sleeps.

On a winding road through the mountains we stopped at this vendor market place that had been in use for centuries. Hand made goods were displayed side by side with mass produced Peruvian culture specific wares shipped in from China. Even in third worldl countries there seems to be a overload of tourist based products.

Market place built in the 14th century still in use today.

Mother and children, dressed in traditional Peruvian clothing style.

We visited an artisan weaving studio where they raise Llamas, Vicunas and Alpacas, shear their fur, dye it with natural organic flora and fauna based colors and then weave it into one of a kind hats, gloves, rugs and tapestries. This is one of the many that we got to pet and feed alfalfa. Did you know Llamas make very funny grunting and cooing noises when they are happy?

Note the ancient building with modern advertisment.

Long climb to the Temple of the Sun, along the huge terraces of soil which were used for commerce and agriculture. This was shockingly difficult but only scratched the surface of the climb we had in store for the next three days to reach Machu Picchu.

Wall structures over 3,000 years old at Temple of the Sun, located in the Incan Valley, one of the most holiest of places for the Incan people. Giant boulders that were cut from the mountain side still lay abandoned throughout the surrounding town and valley, all in a traceable line leading up to the ramp that workers dragged the giant rocks up towards the quarrys. These large stones were added to an assembly process to create the materials necesary to make terraces, walls, steps and solid carved structures.

Ecuador!

2010-04-13T22:43:00.001-05:00

So another addition to the South American escapade photo montage: Ecuador! We spent the least amount of time in this country out of the three, but it was just as eventful. With major cityscapes that reminded me of San Francisco jutting up against wide open valleys, we saw every type of cultural demographic there is to be seen. Of course as tourists we rode in giant buses that hilariously resembled mechanical catepillars, in my opinion. Open markets in city parks, winding roads up to hilltop views, western Applebees styled restaurants and a busy nightlife unlike any we experienced elsewhere; this country offered it all and pulled us in. Enjoy these small tid bits of the views I was blessed with.

Street murals where kind of far and few between, but the ones that were seen had epic size and narratives to make up for the lack of quantity.

Many beautiful cathedrals were on a specific part of the tour, offering us a chance to see an in depth representaion of the European influence from early conquistadors. Grandiose in size with great pride from each district going straight into the care of each site.

Underneath the cathedral seen above there was an ancient catacombs which was filled with coffin spaces that were only allowed to rented for five years at a time. Chambers of 5X5 boxes, with detailed front pieces which had plastic religious ephmera, portraits of the deceased, poems and money. Spookiest part was an addition to the end of one hallway which was wall to wall with coffin spaces for children.

With some architecture and city layout dating back to almost the 16th century, the roads between them werenarrow and tall. This forces the population to share limited space with cars and vendors, making a fast paced stream of activity barrel through at all hours of the day.

Truly the most beautiful church I have entered. Varied historical artistic styles have been used throught out its lofty rooms during the course of its existence. Gold filigree highlighted large and beautifully epic structural work and statues and the patterns around them.

Best street artist robot man I have ever seen.

Statue to commemorate the Ecuadorian victory in gaining freedom from Chili.

Skull of jaguar. That is all.

The South American International equator line momnument which is only 5 miles away the site where the Mayans believed it was. Very strange theme park like place with shrunken heads, taxidermy animals and science experiments to conduct while standing on the line, showing the gravitational neutral zone that is created by the two different hemispheres.

Simple city street typical for one of the smaller towns on the outer rims of the many valleys.

Inner city traffic circle showing the truly modern extent of their architecture evolution and appreciation.

Concret frame structure over doorwary peaks that graced the store fronts of small vendors along the edge of grand cathedral.

West 18th Street Fashion Show!

2010-04-12T22:00:00.001-05:00

For the fourth year now, I have the esteemed pleasure of being a jewelry designer for the 18th Street Fashion Show, which is held in the art hub of Kansas City, the Crossroads District. On Saturday June 12th at dusk, the most grand collection of diverse yet similarly influenced designs will take a 100 ft. runway by storm. Every summer they unveil a new "theme" as to which particpating designers must create an entirely new collection specifically for the event. This years concept was proposed as "Be bold; be brave; be excellent; and collect your inspiration from romantic elegance, drama, classic luxury and Edward Steichen"

I can without a doubt say that this will be the most glorious show they have put on and the biggest acheivement of my creative career thus far. I collaborate every year with Jovana Mirable, who is one of the most inspiring and ambitious fashion designers I have ever met. She creates a outfit collection to which I match with a custom jewelry set for each model. It takes intense work with faith based communication, as she has been living in New York while attending Parsons School of Design for the past three years. We mesh so well togethere that I am sure someday there will be a fashion house that we both start from the ground up.

Making jewelry is my secret love, to which I owe a decade of devotion so this summer will contain the finest pieces I have ever created. The event is free and family friendly, with more creative moments and visual stimuli than anywhere else in the Midwest. I hope you find the time to attend this years event for it is truly something you will not want to miss. Details of my designs and sneak peaks will follow soon.

South America Trip Study Abroad: Introduction and Amazon Photos

2010-04-09T14:02:00.002-05:00

Through my alma mater the Kansas City Art Insitute, which I graduated last fall, I was able to take a very exciting once in a lifetime trip the countries of Peru, Ecuador and the Galapagoes Islands in a study abroad trip. It took place over the course of 23 days which included challenges that stretched far beyond my expectations. Challenging, exhausting, eye opening and forever changing the way I interact with the world, it is an experience that will stay with me as some of the most memorable moments of my young adult life.

This was not only a chance to see the amazing cultures and sites of these countries but also allowed me to gain college credit in a photography course, culminating into a photo expose book. I published this through a website program on Blurb.com which I believe to be the best source for amateur and professional book creating for anyone who wishes to self publish their written and or art filled bound creations. It is free domain in which they provide a downloadble program filled with templates, examples and tips on how to make the book of your dreams. Publishing is very affordable on the small scale compared to other sites that I researched while comparing the options avaliable, and the range in sizing, cover binding and layouts avaliable is unbeatable. You can create at your own pace and edit countless times and ways, allowing you to really develop a consise perfect version of what you have in mind. After finshing the design of your book, you can send the files to their website and order it in minutes. Producition and shipping is fast with a trackable calender to show you what steps they are in while making the product. They also encourage you to post your book online in their website shop, which has many categories of other writers and artists creations. This is a beatiful painfree way to sell the it, taking care of the assumed hassles of sending off your story to publishing houses and waiting for it be picked up or regected. I would recommend this site profoundly as they made this experience almost as enjoyable as the trip itself.

Daily writing in my notebooks chroniciled the adventure, which I hope someday I will turn into a travel journal to share a more in depth view of my journey. I captured every moment I possibly could, filling two memory cards with over 4,ooo pictures. Narrowing down these beautiful images to fit into my photobook was the hardest part really, as I wanted to use every single one them.

I will post more about this subject of course at a later date, but for now I thought it would be nice to share my favorite moments from our visit to the Amazon. Enjoy and let me know what you think.

Its been tooo long my dear friends

2010-04-08T11:46:00.002-05:00

I have graduated! I have debt! I have new an exciting ideas and things I have been working on and no time to post them!

This shall change. My blog will be updated fully next week and shall contain all the great advendtures I have had since then and all the plans I have started to prepare for.

Have no fear, my return eminate

Been a while

2009-03-30T01:57:00.001-05:00

i will be graduating in august.
i know not what i means to be free of school.
i have been in school almost my entire life. without a schedule of that rigor how will i pass the days. my parents are considering moving somewhere else.
i look to that as an option, maybe follow suit. maybe leave this place and start over without all the pre conceived others have of me and i of them.
what good is a self conscience when that is made up by other people.

from june 2 to 22 i will be in south america.
there i will climb mountains, canoe down rivers, swim with sharks, explore jungles, shop in markets and photograph it all.
i will release a call of barbaric joy into the sky once 13,000 feet have passed below my feet, giving me view of those previous to my southern neighbors.
the existence they had, the lives they lead, the walls they built, will only be shown simply or made up in my head.
how does their past interact with my own?
how does my want for something new react with this view i will have of a civilization gone?
it is at this moment that i feel i will desire to toss all i posess, all that i have earned, all that i claim as important over the cliff and dwell amongst the ancient cities and never return to the soil of familiar.
who can imagine how i will feel when looking down upon this place of worshiped gods, woven cloth, raised families, ravinous disease, vegetation overgrowth, centruries of death, milleniums of life, not unlike my own home.
but the difference is that the place of where few have seen their traces, deep breathing ghosts know not of me nor i of them.
here is where i fear i will feel most at home.
there with no one.

Just some photos

2009-01-31T23:34:00.011-06:00

I am not a trained professional by any means but I still really enjoy taking photographs of friends and inspirational things. Here are some of my favorite moments from the last year.

Above is one of many photos I took at the Monteray Bay Aquarium in California in their huge Jellyfish exhibit. Beautiful.

Shore bird footprints in the sand of Big Sur off the coast of California.

Seagulls flying high over sand dunes in San Francisco

Shadow of our plane from Denver as it crosses the San Francisco Bay

Patience is a virtue: I wait for friend to come out of their house

Mid-day sun wakes me from my nap on the love seat

Outside of sculpture, taking break from cutting wood

Dance party with four DJ's at local art kid house

Matt, Chandler and Mitch

Myself and Matt at a Kansas City Wizards game. They had just scored, pushing the game into overtime and went on to win, taking them to the playoffs. We were very happy.

What cookies to choose, boys?

Mitch, Matt and Michael. Personalities captured perfectly.

One of two female dancer/percussion/singers for gypsy punk band Gogol Bordello.

Lead singer of Gogol Bordello.

Violinist and singer of Gogol Bordello.

Dirty sculpture patio

Scrap wood formed into unison shapes.

Soup can close up from installation.

Another soup can close up.

Downward view of outdoor sculpture I did last fall.

A friends toe nail clippings. Gross yet beautiful.

Side shot of outdoor sculpture base.

Repetition found in seed balls and strange rock.

Hand of God disturbing Chandlers' slumber.

Beautiful day, with wonderful skies.

John Dyer Baizley

2009-01-26T22:54:00.007-06:00

His work is beautiful. Intricate and sensual, flowing shapes, natural forms, haunting images. Styled very similar to Art Nouveau graphics like that of the famous Alphonse Mucha Most of his creations are for metal/hardcore bands CD and record cover art, Shirts and other illustrations such as Baroness (album cover seen above), which he is lead singer of, and Torche, Daughters, Magrudergrind, and Black Tusk to name a few. Baizleys work hints at influences of Pushead too, though these prints of his are more delicate while still very disturbing.

He creates images that you can not help but look at for they are deliciously detailed, yet are filled with references todeath and decay. Watercolor and ink are easily identifiable as mediums that he uses, but the colors are muted yet rich it seems as though gauche must have been also applied. Gorgeous women, which have become standard imagery used in metal band artwork since the early 80's, gaze at the viewer surrounded by flora and fauna. These goddesses of rock and roll have faces pierced with daggers, feathers and flowers. Their eyes stare blankly at the viewer as their skin pulls from their face, revealing intricate details inside their skulls.

Patterns created with organism elements such as bones or cocoons form rings around these women, again referencing the stylized flowing lines of Art Nouveau. Some of Baizelye's women however seem to be stricken with a plague with boils and blisters forming on their faces and arms. Layers and layers of objects and forms pull you deep into the illustrations. First glance is satisfying. Second is thrilling. Third is still filled with details you had not seen before. Overflowing with illusions and allusions, Baizley's work begs the viewer to stay a while and look as long as they like.

the gods themselves laugh at my name

2009-01-25T14:45:00.002-06:00

this is what I have learned more than anything.

your friends will become your enemies.
your love will change to hate.
your life will turn itself in.
memories will continue to haunt.
jobs will come and go.
family will die off one at a time.
money will only be there when you don't really need it.
new positives will rarely make up for the past pain.
small joys become large problems.
home will lose it's meaning.
forever becomes a phobia.
songs annoy when their supposed to calm.
schools teach you nothing new.
hospitals grow familiar.
things you never used before will only gain importance once gone.
people you never loved the way you should will be buried.
places that were meant to be your home will collapse into the ground.
debts will continue to scrap and tear at the sleeve.
permanent additions will fade away.
calenders will fly by.
people will leave horrible voids.
roads will be paved.
bridges will be burned.
diseases will spread.
cancer will reign supreme.
life will remove the joy from itself.
the sun will rise to greet the pain.
the moon will shine to show your tears.
lyrics will sting a cold reality.
give in now and you miss the show.
stay till the end and you become the epilogue.

Art Nouveau Circus Gypsy Hobo!

2009-01-15T00:19:00.022-06:00

Studio electives are one of the most enjoyable experiences on our campus. They give students the opportunity to take courses from all over the school, allowing a sampling of each major/medium to be chosen from. Fall of 2008 I was able to take my first fiber elective while at the school. Strange, as I almost majored in this department. I chose painting as my main course of study, but I was teetering on a three sided fence between sculpture, fiber and painting. I also considered interdisciplinary department, which allows a more self directed, not medium specific study, but I learned early on that painting is accepting of many different types of creating, and I have been happy for the most part. The fiber elective is one I have mentioned before, the Costume elective, taught by Georgiana Leondre, who herself is a working professional costume designer. I learned so much and had a wonderful time. Favorite class of the semester, no doubt. Loved it so much in fact that I am taking another fiber elective this coming semester and am starting an internship with Georgiana also. It is going to be an awesome year! To recap, I thought I would show all that I did last year in the fiber elective.

This first photo shows the mock up for the first costume I made. All of the fabric for this dress is recycled/reused/vintage. To color coordinate fabric which is in limited supply, all being found/sold at different places was honestly the hardest part of this project. The body of the dress is this amazing light mint silk that was at the bottom of a scarf bin in my favorite thrift store warehouse. The lower level is fabric from a friends dance costume that she no longer fit into and donated to my artists supply collection. The bright purple is a vintage silk from a friend who knew my love of the color purple. I saved it for years waiting for the right project to come along. In the middle of the dress is some more silk chiffon which has this great pale pink/mint green sheen to it that changes at every angle. Beautiful.The inspiration for this dress was found in the Art Nouveau art period which was widely loved and used as basis for graphic design, furniture and house wear design and illustration in mainly the United States and Europe. This swirling nature inspired design period was at it's peak from the late 1800's to the early 1900's. It saw it's premature overlooking when Art Deco followed soon after, and then the Arts and Crafts movement came too. Alas the Art Nouveau period still remains deeply ingrained in the design world of today. A resurgence has happened with hints of it's forms and graceful lines, angelical shown women and celebratory lifestyle being so popular that hundreds of books are now available on the subject. This is how I came to learn and love the Art Nouveau period. Through all of my readings though, one artist in particular has become a source of inspiration for me across the board. That man is Alphonse Marie Mucha. You can find a link to a museum dedicated to him on the left. I highly suggest you look into him and his art work. It is phenomenal. Here is an example of some of the women he drew and painted.

These next two photos show the finished dress, which was given inspiration from the dresses Mucha created to cloth the girls in his illustrations. Most of the women were in fantasy environments, or personifications of an idea or natural element. I studied every illustration I could find of his to fully understand his garment ideal. This dress pattern is not a copy of one found on a particular Mucha girl, but a combination of elements from my favorite dresses. The outfits, jewelry and accessories he would draw were merely fantasy, never really existing outside of his mind, but they had basis from the clothing styles of his time. Most of the outfits he would put on his voluptuous natural women would show skin in a very sensual way, and the fabric would drape to highlight the female form. He celebrated the way a woman's body was meant to be. The tweaking I decided to do was add a bustle in the back, hitting just at the lower back, to give accordance to the dresses found on women in Mucha's real life. Corsets, large goofy shoulders and huge bustles were all the rage in this time. Muchas's women were provocative and faerie like. I combined the structure of the bustle which exaggerates women's bodies and the flowing natural form of his dresses to highlight curves. This creates a dress that is inspired by the past but combines to create a completely unique juxtaposition. Here on the left you can see the bustle, which is also made out of revamped material. There is more of the deep purple silk, some other vintage silks, a layer of mesh peacock print from a friend, and an under layer made from light gray velvet.

The straps holding up the dress are made of a collection of vintage jewelry chains and findings that mimic/are inspired by the jewelry that Mucha would have his girls wearing. His designs were so beautiful it was in jewelry and objects of personal adornment that the world got to see his illustration come to life. He designed a limited line for one jeweler who made a small collection of jewelry based on the ones Mucha drew on his women. My dress weighs almost 20 pounds total and the straps themselves are triple on each side, with a large gathering clasp in the back to support the bustle. Not a dress to be worn on the everyday. Then again, neither were the ones designed by Mucha. The bustle alone, true to form and tradition, weighed ten pounds! This is nothing compared to real bustles from the 1920's, but with only a month to find materials, design and construct, I didn't have the time to find vintage whale boning and build the under carriage. Wanted too, simply was not an option due to time.

These next two photos were taken at Tal Wilson's Photography studio in the Crossroads District between downtown and midtown in Kansas City. The chair of the fiber department arranged for our class to have the wonderful opportunity to catalog our creations professionally. This was a blessing because it gave us a chance to show the personality behind the costume, coming up with poses and accessories to use for the shoot. I made a head band with a large brown poppy as the center piece and lots of small detailed flowers made from vintage fabric and beads. I also created a small flower arrangement held inside a posy container. These two items can be seen in all the photographs. And of course, I made jewelry for this outfit too. For the shoot itself I brought along one of my Art Nouveau Mucha books to help me re create some of the posing he drew his women in. I also wanted to show the draping of the fabric and details within the bustle layering. Tal was an amazing photographer and helped set up wonderful shots. My teacher coached me on where to place my hands and how to move my body to help create the body shapes I wanted. In my opinion, these photographs capture everything I wanted to create. Inspired by Art Nouveau and the artists Alphonse Mucha, this dress is a dream come true for me. Oddly enough, the open back panel rests right above my lower back tattoo which I had gotten two years prior. It is a black line drawing of one of Mucha's girls looking up towards some sparrows.

Then it came time to create the second costume. For this next departure, I went a very different route, though I still stayed in the fantasy realm. Though I have a great disdain for the modern day circus which is notorious for overworking their animals and abusing them (which is a big issue for me) I love the mood and magic of the whole environment. The old days of Barnum and Bailey were filled with wonder and mystery that has always drawn me in. And so I turned to a source of muse found in tents and carriages. The modern fantasy creation of Cirque De Solei also was a large point of interest, but not so much the Lycra but more the colors and forms they create with their costumes. Also the stylized forms of Gypsy clothing and details of each item their create were found to very inviting and inspiring. Funny enough, the last bit of imagery that came to mind when thinking of where to start from was the traditional idea of hobo, train hoppers, and sad homeless entertainers from the 1950's. Though their situation was always one of grim nature, it seemed to me they were portrayed to the public eye as happy go lucky types of people who took their role with a grain of salt and a smile. So my next costume would be one of Circus Hobo, if you will. Not much explanation is needed for these next few photos, so I will let them talk for a while.

Yet again, all fabric and materials were either already owned or salvaged. The vest top is a quilt of many different types and colors of material from all sorts of places. The brown is from a dancers headband, pink comes from same thrift store fabric bin mentioned earlier above, green is curtain material, yellow was a long scarf, and red was found in my closet. The closure and patterning of the vest is based on the style from European Gypsies, with the long penguin tales in back for a bit of funny ending. The bright yellow really pops against the other colors. The skirt is layers upon layers of vintage fabric, scrap lace and yards of vintage tulle in a kaleidoscope of colors. Tights were already owned and shoes and scarf were purchased at thrift store. The top hat was added to give the outfit a ringleaders touch and I added the feathers, beads and glitter I already owned. The black lace top underneath the vest I already owned. Jewelry I made from supplies I already had. Pretty good for barely spending any money huh? Art school is very expensive. Art kids have to be master thrifters!

All but the last photo is taken by Tal Wilson also. The first shoot was very serious to create the sensuality of the outfit. This shoot however was very fun! I had a blast just goofing off and acting like a clown.

Artist block

2009-01-14T23:47:00.003-06:00

I have decided that one of the hardest things for me to do is survive on my own.

I seek a soul

I seek a partner

I seek inspiration

Until this is found the recipe will not be complete

The meal will go uneaten

The table will be set

The guests will not arrive

To create, this too is asking so much. When my soul hungers for companionship, it lacks Proper feedback, grounding, imagination, muse, niche.

I can not continue this journey alone for too much longer

The long life that one might lead is far too long to be lead alone.

Personal Adornment

2009-01-13T20:44:00.007-06:00

A couple of years ago I started to create jewelry and accessories for myself. This lead to a full time hobby that over takes my free time, any of the time. I have had the wonderful opportunity to participate in many fashion shows; creating pieces to match a designers collections. While I could never see myself as an actual clothing designer, though I have created some outfits for school and personal challenge, it's the details within a piece, or the items paired with a dress that really draw me in. These are the moments of beauty which I see myself focusing on. It rings true in my studio practice also, with the devil always being in the details. This is where I get lost and find my salvation all in one single centimeter. Something that holds very true throughout all the items I create and withing my artwork, I tend to focus on highlighting reused/recycled/vintage/salvaged materials. Each one of these pieces is one of a kind, most with beads, charms, findings and elements being one of a kind or in very few quantity.It's in combining the old with the new that I find so valuable and useful and understated. So here are examples of what I do to create objects of adornment. enjoy

Costumes in Caves

2009-01-09T11:31:00.006-06:00

This last semester I had the wonderful opportunity to take a studio elective in the fiber department at my school (Kansas City Art Institute) taught by a costume designer. The class was based in the ideas of creating costumes entirely from scratch, with little pattern help, and using our skills, resources, and other major interests to create two outfits. Some students were fiber majors, others, like myself, came from other areas of teaching throughout the school. Painting, respectively, sculpture and interdisciplinary.

As part of our research and inspiration gathering, we took a field trip to visit the Kansas City Repertory Theatre costume departments storage caves in the Downtown Underground. This is a carved out limestone quarry with hundreds of storage areas all with metal garage doors, full lighting, bathrooms, offices, heating, a/c, the works! To drive down into the Earth was cool in itself, but then to enter the KC Rep. particular cave, was absolutely breathtaking. Rack after rack of hand made one of a kind costumes, bins of shoes, a room full of hats, shelves filled with furniture and props; all from hundreds of shows that the theatre has put on. Truly a theatre nuts dream (that would be me!) In true form, I took lots of photos, since I know unless I work for this company, I nor anyone who ever views these photos, will ever be able to visit this hidden gem of color, texture and inspiration. Enjoy.

Factory

2009-01-08T20:55:00.003-06:00

ten attempts to get this factory going, all failed, leaving heavy damage in their place

empty floor tiles spread between each machine allowing them room to breath. their hallogen eyes have faded, rarely lighting up. they have shared this space together. I have allowed them to stay. the orginal model still hovers in the back. I keep a picture in the office in case he ever moves out

metalic music echoes from previous days of work. they stare at me with anger, contempt. their practically new, barely any signs of use. I lost every key long agoso I walk down the line to the next model, slightly different, but same designer. the synthetic covering curves over the mechanized insides, I admire his features, contemplating, slowly pull the control panel out and start him up, motion, music, movement, eyes open and flare out, cogs churn, electricity firing

hello, he says, I am eleven.without hisitation, it begins. metal to flesh, element to element, sirens flare, organic combines with computerized, keys turn and assembly begins, my skin is burned by the heat, the other machines, scream their chorus in the background, taunting and mocking. this lasts for minutes alone, it seems like hours

a small light comes onwarning of enternal error, a belt snapes, cutting my face, bolts pop off, steam rises from the middle. this too shall pass I say to myself as his eyes flicker. jolty movements, slowed gears, shut off, assembly has stopped again. the metal is cold to the touch now. I step back and admire his features once more

I am the collector of broken machines. many more to try, many more possibilities. I have only eleven to show
you think that'd be enough

this strange new feeling

2009-01-08T20:48:00.003-06:00

the empty space where substances used to reside
weighing more in their absence than when present at the meeting
this aura of possibility adds so much
now, with volume filled
overflow being gathered and anticipated, i worry of floods
overcosumption can not be tolerated, can not be allowed
patience will be practiced, timing will be enforced
can not let myself drain this new reserve, must show restraint
collect a stockpile and build depots for which to return to as needed

supply has potential to double previous possibilites
but demand must remain low
events in the past have shown this to be an uneasy process, this gathering
resistence to this forced structure, wanting to jump to the front of the line
I am the prisoner of my situation, yet I was elected and hold Marshall law
the rope is pulled tight, wound around my torso, knotted to the form
your form, your substance, you
must relearn how to wait, must train myself anew
must try harder than ever before
so many possibilities to ruin this situation
perfect balance must be found
weigh out negatives, prepare for their arrival
hide my stash after taking one last hit
your chemical is difficult to inject at first, but waves of faimiliarity arise after

a junkie for connection
this addiction worsens with every hour
i will practice medicinal treatments and hope for the best
with this dangerous element, your element.
i will break the previous mold
breathe and intake, allow the slowed warmth
enjoy this moment, scratch at the feeling, twinge with relief
with initial happiness comes waves of fear for when the come down begins
prepare, pray, plan an escape
this is why I said no to begin with, this is why I passed it along a long time ago
the fix is so damn good, but the addiction is to much to bare.
to rid myself of intial shock, i will cause the infection personally everytime
inject the poison before the handler can.
resist tolerance

memories on day 497/past writing

2009-01-08T19:58:00.006-06:00

the day my life began/haulted

you finish the sentence and a guillotine drops

for a few moments, i do not exist

rising from the deep

this force floods my organs

a pause in the universe

echoes to the edge

past where i thought

we would make it

intense surge inside me

i can feel it pour down the walls

as my lungs expand around the tension

crowding my ribs, breaking my spine

as my heart hemorages

veins play to an empty room

all that is possible

all that was promised

now null and void

undead pulse screams as i am thrown

back to the begining

before your campaign began

before the gloves were taken off

before it dragged me still and calm

there has been a slaughter

the blade is fresh and warm

Remembering California

2009-01-08T13:02:00.018-06:00

Last year for spring break my mother, father, brother and I changed the usual vacation routine and traveled to the West Coast. My parents had both lived there during their young adult hoods when they were enlisted in the United States Air Force, but later were transferred to Minot North Dakota. This is highly unfortunate, because I could have been born in California instead of almost Canada. Now, don't read me wrong on this, I love dearly and have an undying ambassador/obsession with N. Dakota, as I do with all of the northern states, but I have never been one to enjoy the weather of these states.

The trip to California lasted only a week, forcing us to choose very wisely what cities and sites we put on our list of must see. All in all, I personally feel no travel agent or tour guide could have done better. My personal experiences and memories leave me wanting more. That cheesy phrase about leaving your heart in San Francisco? Well, I certainly believe that a small part of my happiness resides in that city/in that state, and will not live a fulfilled existence if I do not at least retire in the beautiful hills of California.

Of course in fear of not knowing when I would be able to return, I took an over abundance of pictures while I was there, totally over 1,400 photos in seven days. In only a week, I traveled to San Francisco, Pier 39, Oakland, Napa, Muir Woods Redwood Forest, Big Sur, Monteray Bay and it's Aquarium, Carmel by the Sea, and drove down the coastal highway to find countless hidden beaches. Here are some of my favorite moments, places, sites and memories.

Seven days in and already failed

2009-01-08T00:07:00.001-06:00

New Years resolutions tend to be body, career, love, mind and vice related. How many promises have I made to myself that I have not kept? More than I care or have the capacity to remember. I can however attempt to better the way in which i pursue these improvements. So onward the path I shall continue, working towards a better, faster, prettier, more successful, skinnier, happier, more likeable me!
sure
Fuck that

instead i will add to more increasingly crazy life by allowing stranger from all over the planet to view my creations, my thoughts, my dreams, my passions, my loves, my failures, my plans, my humble and not so humble moments, my family, my choices, my hopes, my inspiration, my favorites, my loathed, my fears, my future, me